Well-written words on mothering type of love from Kate Mazur. Reposted from Facebook with author’s permission.
Kate Mazur
Jan 13 2017, 10:28 AM
As I sat this morning holding an angry, screaming four year old, I thought about life and love. He didn’t want anything to do with anyone, including me. Yet, as I held him close telling him it’s okay to be mad and okay to cry, I felt his body release just a bit of tension. As the minutes passed, I thought about loving- no matter what: Love never failing. I want my six children to know my love for them, even when they’re angry, sad, etc. “Don’t cry” isn’t something they will ever hear me say.
I think an hour passed as I held the angry one. It may not have been that long but it did feel like it. Usually, he gets back to happy pretty fast, but for whatever reason it took him extra time this morning. For the past few weeks, he has needed extra help dealing with strong feelings, and sometimes I have not helped him. Probably that’s why it took so long this morning.
Trust continues to develop as I prove my love to my children, mourning with them when they are sad and celebrating when they are happy. I have had to be taught in recent years how to do this. As I acknowledge their intense feelings and get close, they feel me and KNOW I am there. Once they KNOW by feeling my closeness, they calm enough and I can eventually talk about their feelings, naming them (feelings) and asking questions.
How much I appreciate these mornings when Super Husband is home tending to the needs of the other five children. What a gift so I can stay in peace and give my love to one who, in those moments, is not lovely. I admit I have all the patience in the world to sit with an upset person, though I cannot remember always to keep food in myself, remember what I was doing before the uproar or know for certain what day it is.
Samuel is back to happy now. He was angry because his monkey was wet from the disinfectant wipe his eldest brother used on it.
Once he began to settle down, I asked:. “What made you angry?”
“Lukie got my monkey’s faa wet with a wipe.”
“Faa??” I asked, wondering what he could mean.
“Fuuu.”
“Fur! Your monky’s fur is wet and you don’t like that!!!!!!”.
Oh for joy to know what made him so blasted angry!
“Yes.”
“Ok. I can understand that. (Pause rubbing his back)…. Do you know the fur will dry?”
“Yes.”
“Okay…But you don’t like that it’s wet now.”
“Nooooo….”
“Well, I can understand how that made you mad. (More pause thinking how to redirect) Ruth blow dried Joseph’s monkey. Would you like her to do that to your wet monkey?”
“Yes.”
“Ok Well, now that you’re happy again, I think Ruth is the right person to help you. (Pause for long hug) I love you, Samuel even when you’re angry.”. He hopped off our bed and took Ruth’s gentle, calming hand and away they went.
As I sit here and reflect, I notice Our home is back to the normal sounds of contentment:. lessons, chores, drums, washing machine and Brent instructing whatever is happening on the other side of the bedroom door.
During this season of motherhood, I rarely leave these four small walls. I know sometime soon this intense, all consuming time in our family’s life will give way to a different kind of season. I confess to enjoying even these moments -doing real life with the extrordinary people with whom I reside. Keeping it real is amazing. What day is it? I have no idea and know it doesn’t, in this moment, matter.