I was mowing my lawn when I heard the brazen crack of a Roman Candle report. My dog, TeeJay, had told me he was wanting to play with some of my choicest toys, in the interest of exploration with matters of inertia and velocity. I took it to understand that he was referring to my Nerf Guns, but did not think he meant my fireworks.
Leaving the lawnmower in the front yard, I raced around to the back yard, and saw TeeJay and Samantha playing with my Zippo and fireworks. There was a partial length of 3/4′ EMT conduit which they had negotiated into the ground about six inches.
TeeJay had assured me there would be no harm in he and Samantha’s time together, though I had some reservations, and so I reluctantly agreed, against any misgivings or reservations.
The problem is, I was not sure if canines playing with explosives were insured under my Homeowner’s Policy with State Farm. I further did not know the potential of dogs left to their own devices. Of course, given my desires to set everyone I know up to succeed and not fail, I was not aware of the magnitude of the canine mischief quotient.
“TEEJAY!” I exlaimed. “WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD ABOUT PROPER PRINCIPLES ARE YOU DOING?!”
The interrobang was my idea at the end of that exclamatory remark.
“Ummmm…..call it a new invention of mine, master. I was hoping you would appreciate my thinking outside of the box of what can be done with gunpowder.”
Samantha’s face was mildly charred from the ash that blew back from the explosion.
“I can see that, sir,” I replied, “but you nearly gave your sister a full facial with your new invention.”
Noticing a hint of color underneath him, I reached to pick it up, and pulled out a full brochure for the Fort Mill Canine Pytrotechnic Association’s Annual Barn-Burner. Smelling hints of patchouli and sulphur, I realized that he and Samantha had snuck out that night from the new dog houses we had built them a few days ago. TeeJay had begun to grow adept at working with all forms of machinery since he and Samantha had just completed obedience school in Miami with our friend, Emma Golden-Benjamin. The information on the brochure had mentioned Emma’s name, and things her organization had done to empower dogkind to provide a greater social presence, and also contained a great deal of language on how the sundry canine species could garner further appreciation from humanity while also negotiating the culture of shame that has traditionally marked the relationship between man and beast.
Given TeeJay’s and Samantha’s curiosities had been sufficiently nourished by this aspiring and dubiously-reputable organization, with much chagrin, I graciously communicated to them how we could best create a win/win to engage their newfound affinity in a safe manner.
To this judgment of mine they politely averred and covenanted to no more carry on pyrotechnic hobbies behind my back.
I concluded my lecture of my dogs by congratulating them on such a noble thing which they accomplished.
Very creative story. Thanks for sharing.