There is a dynamic about me that I discovered sometime ago. I was working in the life of a married couple that needed some input as to dealing with a situation that was abusive to them both.
A number of years back, this couple introduced me to their church leadership, and I immediately knew these people were spiritually abusive.
And following that meeting, I told this couple that they needed to get rid of and leave this abusive place.
I knew where it was going. They may have heard what I said, but they were not comfortable leaving. So, I decided to let the sleeping dog lie, but every time something came up involving these people, I would voice a reminder that they were off.
A couple of years after this happened, the husband heard that they needed to leave. And some dynamic of the marriage was strengthened.
And in that moment, when I had gladly heard that my concerns were valid, I knew something about myself.
When I function as a counselor in any sort of capacity especially when it comes to married couples, I have a capacity to disconnect my feelings about the friendship from the priority of preserving those marriages. If I am faced with the option of seeing a healthy marriage remain intact, even if it means giving the couple some hard counsel, and that counsel will come at the expense of my friendship with the couple, then that is a cost I am willing to pay every single time.
My interest in marriages is, when possible, to see those marriages remain intact. Whatever currency I have in friendships with members of those marriages is something I will not think twice about spending to that end.
